lucky to run into this guy often. nicest fellow
everything is not normal
everything is not fine
i worry about everything
because all things are on my mind
but i’m glad they’re piled up for me to take care of now than later.
I think it’s a good thing.. I was in love with her for a couple of years, and this year started out with me trying to focus on the friendship more because it was what I had chose. We both tried in our different definitions. But ever since September, I had become less in love with her actuality but more so the idea of her and everything i built into it. I let it ring and linger on after too because even though it was one of the banes of my existence it was happening—and to me certainly, so therefore “i was” at the time. It wasn’t wasted. I put more love and passion into that then my own wellbeing, film, music, and other relationships. Ain’t that the way it usually goes though? It’s around the second chance where it all really changes, are you gonna let you rot or not. It’s up to how you handle shit about.
I didn’t set foot for nyc for vacation but to get a good beating for growth. And even if I had that readily mindset, i still had no clue what was in store for me. Perhaps this isn’t a complete catharsis, rather a slow shedding of the skin.
I miss David. I miss when he would come drive over to my house. That meant so much because I lived the furthest from everyone and somewhere most folks never been and didn’t want to be. But when I asked, he drove and we went to a dive bar called the “Frog” around my house. Or sit on the curb of my neighborhood and ate some food i got for him from San Diego. To be honest, David, if you’re reading this, I purposely came home earlier that day just to hang out with you, brother. We only really started doing these chill out sessions from last year but they’ve ingrained a permanent print in my memories. Remember when we whent to Green Girl, the bar my older brother recommended, but now was the central place for creepy uncles to make oogly eyes at hooters-like female servers and sad single chicks to order pizza at? We still owe each other that PCH drive to Del Mar. Can’t wait.
And then I miss Ruth. Whom I really loved doing nothing together with. Those nothings were somethings. She made me feel like the coolest cat in the room and that i really was that title when we were together, not a title that i had to live up to.. she believed in me and i felt it. I’ve let friends forget about me, leave me behind because if they were in the moment and was happy then i was alright with it, no resentments. I mean, who am I to judge, I’ve left to another country for five months before without telling a soul really. But Ruth, we never left each other at the Radiohead festival. Even through that shitty korean crowd who tried to come between us, our hands held tight as if the world was ending right then. You experienced the LA with me not a lot of folks get to live out. And the next time I might be gone without a word for who knows how long, you know I’ll leave them crumbs for you to find at least;)
Halloween Costumes - 1965. Check out the kid in the Rat Fink costume - pretty cool!
— (via t-i-g-e-r-l-i-l-y)